Monday, March 4, 2013

Laurent.

I've been having dreams. Beautiful ones. But then at one point they all slowly turn into nightmares. Bad, memorable nightmares. I dream of my brother Ali. And I dream of just looking at him. I dream of walking slowly towards him. I dream of him slowly disappearing. And apart of me is angry at myself for walking too slow, and not running. If only I'd run, I would've had the chance to hold him, I would've had the chance to hug him, to tell him how much I love him.

I think this series of nightmares came because I has this one particular tweet stuck in my head.
"Do you not love your brother?" - h/she who should not be named

I was studying in my room at that time, and he was really sick. I didn't realize he was so I just stayed in my room. That tweet made me regret everything, Im ashamed of myself and from that day onwards I blamed for almost everything. 

So it hit me. Since I cant change the past, I can probably change the future.
When I grow up, I want to take care of a kid with Down Syndrome. I want to. 


  1. I would tell him everyday that I love him,
  2. I would kiss him on the cheek all the time.
  3. I would hug him all the time.
  4. I would make him live a normal and happy life.
  5. I would dance with him.
  6. I would walk around the city with him.
  7. I would hold his hand everywhere we go.
  8. I would teach him how to draw.
  9. I would teach him to make art.
  10. I would teach him how to read good books.
  11. I would make him listen to beautiful verses from the Quran.
  12. I would make him listen to soothing music.
  13. I would make him listen to jazz.
  14. I would teach him how to pray.
  15. I would send him to school.
  16. I would make him join activities.
  17. I would have picnics with him all the time.
  18. I would travel around the world with him.
  19. I would teach him how to make origami.
  20. I would read to him.
  21. I would laugh at his jokes.
  22. I would laugh at his laughs.
  23. I would kiss him again.
  24. I would tuck him in every night.
  25. I would take him swimming.
  26. I would take him to the beach.
  27. I would bake cakes for him.
  28. I would bake cakes with him.
  29. I would want him to have a good education.
  30. I would teach him self-defense.
  31. I wouldn't let anyone bring him down.
  32. I would take him on plane rides.
  33. I would fly a kite with him.
  34. I would lay under the stars with him.
  35. I would teach him the name of the stars.
  36. I would take him to the zoo.
  37. I would want him to have passion in life.
  38. I would just sit and watch him play.
  39. I would kiss him on his forehead everyday.
  40. I would put lotion so his skin wouldn't have breakouts.
  41. I would make sure he has sunscreen on under the sun.
  42. I would make sure that he's never sad,
  43. I want him to smile.
  44. I want him to know how special he is.
  45. I want him to know that he's different but unique.
  46. I want him to feel accepted.
  47. I want him to love.
  48. I want him to love himself.
  49. I would love him unconditionally. 
  50. I would never let him go.
"the feeling of losing a loved one is indescribable"



15 comments:

  1. No.5 is my favourite lol

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  2. I can already imagine it.
    It looks like a scene from a perfect movie :')

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  3. hai and salam adiba.

    First of all, I liked it very much the way you talk. Your speaking is so fluent. MashaAllah.
    I love the way you cover your aurah. I love the way you make all the videos.

    Bytheway, I am older than you. Kakak lah kot. ahaks

    I hope to know you better. Jazakillah my sister. May Allah bless you.

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  4. ya..kehilangan orang tersayang mmg tidak boleh digambarkan

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  5. Assalamualaikum . Hai . Sorry sebab hanya mampu menulis dengan bahasa melayu je :) hmm lepas tengok video kat utube tu , ada bgtau yg awak lepasan spm 18 tahun kan ? So , boleh tak kalau saya nak berkenalan ? Saya tertarik dengan personaliti awak dan mungkin kita boleh berkawan :) Okay . bye . wasalam :)

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  6. salam kak adibah...
    firstly my name is nurul fathin..kak i am very proud and jealous of you because you can speak english fluently!i like your accent and i want kak to be my sister and i hope kak can teach me how to improve my english..i hope my request will be accept..:)) (sorry for my bad english)

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  7. 18 years old. (?)
    gosh you're cute. not like, "I like you" cute, but, "you're so tiny" cute. haha.

    and ur 'blawg' is very cool.

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  8. Assalamualaikum..
    Allah je yg tahu derita dihati . Sungguh syurgalah tempat mereka yg istimewa .
    Kuatkan hati Adiba,kuatkan diri . Allah sayang dia ,maka sebab tu Allah ambil dia dari kita .
    Dan, yg pasti dia disana tersenyum sambil menunggu awak dekat sana, kat syurga :)

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  9. i'm touched. u're a good muslimah. good woman. Goodluck in everything you do. I'll always pray fr ur successful in lyfe, inshaAllah.

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  10. salam..

    stiap yg hidup akan mati..
    yg tiada ttap tiada tp yg hidup hrusla troskn khidupan..doakan dye.
    trima dengan hati yg redha..
    jlnkn tggungjwab u as his sister even dye dah xad,ingt dye slalu.
    inshaALLAH.

    salam

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  11. jannah, Adibah. insyaAllah, insyaAllah, insyaAllah,

    he'll be there

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  12. don't be too sad.. cheer up okay? People are around to help you :)

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  13. adik saya down syndrome jugak. suka buat lawak, suka tlg org, dan paling saya terharu kalau ada orang sakit ja dia akan baca doa dan hembus dkt tempat yg sakit hihi.. Al-fatihah buat ali..i still remember your warkah buat Ali. stay strong adibah

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