Friday, February 15, 2013

In The Public Eye.

I once made a decision that made a pretty huge impact in my life. I decided to make videos to voice out my opinions. I decided to upload them on youtube. I decided to allow people to get to know me. I decided to expose myself to the public eye. 

And this decision, I did not regret. I know voicing out my opinions was a part of my responsibility as a muslim, and I have a lot of thoughts needed to be expressed. But what I realized I couldn't handle was the pressure. The pressure of being observed every single time of the day, the pressure of having to do everything right, the pressure of not screwing up- or atleast not let people know that I screwed up, the pressure of handling all the comments, the compliments, the advices, the help, the hate- everything. I thought I could handle it, but I just cant. To be honest I'm not much of an open book. I'm not the kind of person who's comfortable with talking to just about everyone, I'm not so nice nor patient either. I'm not like all of those other vloggers/bloggers that you people adore. I'm different. I'm just a girl who was once lost (and sometimes still am) trying to find my way back and I would definitely make mistakes along the way. It's just that sometimes I feel like people can't accept the fact that I'm not a saint. Sorry to disappoint. But I'm doing my best, I'm trying.

I'm just tired. Not with doing da'wah and spreading whats right and what I'm supposed to- I'm just tired of dealing with the package that comes with it. It's like getting something's value pack. But the thing is, I don't want the excessive items I just want it's main content. I know I'm not supposed to complain, and I know Rasulullah has faced (without a doubt) a kazillion times more trials than I will ever face. But I dont know, I guess I just want to express the things I have in mind, the things I have been carrying around on my back, the things trapped in my heart.

 This job, being a khalifah- is tiring. But worth it.

And I shall try my best to improve, but for the time being I just need some time alone with my Lord.


  1. I adore your braveness, although everything comes with side effect.

    Be strong Adibah :)

  2. chin up girl.
    insyaAllah you can :)

  3. going to miss you on IG. all the best! xx

  4. adibah, u got guts, even in admitting those things :)
    i hope you'll come back one day, and continue to inspire a lot of ppl like u've been doing. take care <3

    p.s. i will also miss u on instagram, ur like one of the only creative users i follow T.T

  5. I hope you'll come back soon and take care. Chin up and stay cool adib xx

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  7. GAMBATEH dibah ^^
    do your best of the best :)

  8. You made me cryyyyyyyy! T__T
    Saya TABIK sama kamu ! I would just like you to know that I would do anything to be, even the slightest bit, like you. :D
    You're an inspiration, a motivation, an amazing person, and I'm pretty sure I'm creeping you out right now LOL.
    As a last thought, thank you for shedding the light on things that used to be unknown to me. And I wish you the best in this world and the hereafter.

    Jazakallah Khair!

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